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tara@thesugardoctor.com.au

The Little Things [Wake Up!]

Image of Couple in Bed with Woman resting head on mans lap feeding him pizza. There is a guitar leaning against the wall.

Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash

For a long time the first thing I thought in the morning was “You’ve got to be kidding me…”

I am NOT a morning person, and the soft light waking me from our Lumie is UNwelcome. I’d kick straight into “ugh, jobs”. And that meant that my beloved Jimmy T received a full serve of my grumps every morning.

To be fair, I still make a grumbly grunting sound, but it’s a joke between us now, and I endeavour to follow it with a snuggle and a smile, but I definitely have room to grow here…

As I’ve said in previous videos; Long term love, depth, passion, and intimacy are built on a strong foundation of small, mundane, daily acts of love. And this tiny shift in attitude literally changes the whole way you start your day together.

So, here is my invitation for you to practice this simple act of love for < 5 minutes a day over the next month.

If you are new to this series you can check out other The Little Things practices here.

You know, the thing about a practice is that… well… it is a PRACTICE. That means that you may not be great at it to start. And that you may not even enjoy it initially.

My invitation to you for this coming month is to explore:

  • How does it feel to do this practice?
  • What specifically do I feel? Am I bored? Annoyed? Grateful? Joyful? Angry? Happy?
  • Where specifically do I feel that in my body?
  • What comes up for me when I do this practice?
  • How is my relationship changing as a result of this practice?

I love hearing your messages & feedback as you are implementing – let me know how you go!

 

[TRANSCRIPTION BELOW]

Hi! I’m Tara from the Sugar Doctor and welcome back to this series on The Fundamentals Of Love; a monthly practice, each month, in five minutes or less that you can do to shift the balance in your relationship… shift the way that you feel… shift the way you behave, and then shift the outcome of your relationship, so that you have far more positive, and delightful interactions with your partner than negative.

Inevitably we have challenges in our day-to-day, inevitably there are things that come to happen that need to be addressed and when you begin to embed these small powerful behaviors over time, that leads to such a depth of commitment and intimacy in your relationships, it’s such a beautiful thing to do.

So this is an invitation to you, it’s an exploration so that you have the capacity to notice how it feels for you, for some people some of these practices may feel uncomfortable, they may feel awkward, they may feel shit, you might not like it to start with, you might think

“why the fuck should I do this when my partner doesn’t blah-blah, or, always blah-blah….’

whatever the thing is, yes, but I believe that regardless of how someone else is behaving with you, that in order for you to become a loving and desirable and connected and spiritual and loving being, that these practices are even more important in the face of indifference, in the face of negativity.

That’s when it really, really matters, cause it’s really, really easy to be kind and loving, when that’s what you’re receiving, not so easy to be kind and loving in a challenging environment, and so, there’s the invitation, take it or leave it…

This month, the practice, again, is very, very simple. It’s a daily practice, take you less than five minutes, probably less than two, and it’s around, how do you connect when you wake.

It’s something that I’ve really come to realise I did very badly. See, I’m not a morning person, I never have been a morning person. I get up very early, but I really don’t like it. And what I’ve noticed was the first thing that I thought and often said when my alarm clock went off, was negative, right? “ no I don’t want to get up”, “oh I can’t believe it’s that time”, “I slept really badly”…whatever it is.

And that became the first interaction that I had with my partner. Now he gets up a fair bit before I do, we’ll wake at the same time, but he literally gets up and starts getting ready for work, so, we’ve changed the way we do things; He and I get up even earlier now and we do a movement practice together in the morning so it’s a random, keeping our joints moving, keeping our bodies flexible and juicy into old age, I’m not suggesting you to do that, I’m suggesting that you, have a look at that first moment that you connect with your partner, whether or not you rise at the same time, there’s a moment where you see them for the first time, interact for the first time, even if it’s simply saying good bye – or the alarm clock went off, whatever happens in your house, it doesn’t matter.

Just rethinking how you do that moment, and perhaps, instead of having the cranky alarm clock face, “oh” you could think, oh, there you are, just look at, maybe give him a kiss, I don’t know maybe they have stinky morning breath and you don’t want to kiss them on the mouth, maybe you do like a cheek kiss or maybe you, get over it and get over the morning breath and just have a nice kiss anyway.

Maybe you have a little snuggle, I don’t know, whatever it is for you. My invitation to you for the coming month, is each morning when you wake, take a minute to connect with your partner in a really kind way, in a nice way, that’s all for today, yes, right, I’ll talk to you soon