Love isn’t only something you feel, it is something you do. It is the way you give & receive love such that your partner FEELS it. Time and time again I speak to couples who tell me that they know intellectually they are loved, but they don’t feel loved. They don’t feel appreciated. They don’t feel full. And so many of those couples are doing their very best, they are giving it their all, their everything, and they are just not getting the results. I’ve been there and it feels like sh*t – knowing that you both love each other madly, and yet still feeling disconnected.
Love can seem a tricky thing- it is not tangible. I can’t see love, nor can I taste, smell, touch nor hear it. I can only notice love through the lens of my own experience. And therein lies the challenge. It is not possible for me to truly know the love my partner feels for me, I can only interpret my experience of their love.
How amazing would it be if there were a surefire way for you to give & receive love? Specific, clear, actionable steps that you could take, knowing your partner will feel loved, appreciated, and like they really matter? Well, my friend, you’re in luck. There is such a thing, and it’s called the Deep Love Strategy*.
We all experience the world by interpreting the information we receive through our five senses, and we each have a particular sense that we rely on and prioritise more than the others. The way that we receive & process information, and the way we prefer to communicate provides great insights into ourselves and our partners.
Our experience of love is created in the same way. There is a sensory experience which is auditory, visual, or kinaesthetic, and that particular moment leads to a feeling of love.
The 3 Ways to Give & Receive Love (and how to recognise them)
Check out these short videos to see how that works in action:
How we Sense our World (NLP Lead Representation System)
Visual Deep Love Strategy
Knows they are loved when they SEE that you love them through your appearance, behavior and actions
Loves you to LOOK good – clothes you wear are important, grooming, the way that you move is important and your facial expressions, also the visual demonstrations of your love such as tangible gifts or acts of service (more on that later).
Needs to SEE you express your love
HOW TO RECOGNISE A VISUAL DEEP LOVE STRATEGY:
They will DO thoughtful things for you. At home they may cook beautiful meals, make you a tea or coffee, take care of keeping the home beautifully clean. They will be extraordinary hosts of guests and make sure they take care of every detail. At work they will support you by doing things for you, they may contribute their energy to a project of yours, they may make you coffee, or take care of a job that you didn’t want to do. As a friend they will take care of things for you, they might arrange for a cleaner, or babysit your kids for the night so you can go on a date night.
They may also BRING thoughtful things for you. The gifts that they choose will be so thoughtful and exactly right that you will always feel like they know you so well. Whenever they visit, they will bring something tangible. It might be a bottle of wine, some cheese, or something they saw in a store that reminded them of you. At work they will make sure that you have all the THINGS that you need, from reports, to stationery, to a post it note reminding you about a meeting.
Auditory Deep Love Strategy
Knows they are loved when they HEAR that you love them through your words, voice, and conversation.
Needs to HEAR you express your love
HOW TO RECOGNISE AN AUDITORY DEEP LOVE STRATEGY:
They will SAY thoughtful things to you. They love talking to you, their friends, their family. They are verbally expressive and articulate. At work they will tell you that you are appreciated, they will always say good morning and talk to you to see how you are. As a friend they will love long conversations, and to talk on the phone. They will be the friend who always tells you the qualities they appreciate in you.
They are sensitive to sound, music, and hear the tone of your voice even more than the words you say.
Kinaesthetic Deep Love Strategy
Knows they are loved when they FEEL that you love them through your emotional state, your physical touch, and your proximity to them.
Loves you to TOUCH – A kinaesthetic person is very sensitive to touch, and to the energy you bring into their space. They love to be touched affectionately, sensually and erotically. They love to be physically close, like sitting together, holding hands, or even simply being in the same room. They love spending time together doing things.
Needs TOUCH and PROXIMITY to feel loved.
HOW TO RECOGNISE A KINAESTHETIC DEEP LOVE STRATEGY:
They will TOUCH you a lot. They may be very affectionate with their friends and family. When you touch them, or are close to them in a way that they like, they will lean into the touch. At work you might recognize this person because they dress for comfort, and wear fabrics that feel good. They tend to speak slower than their visual and auditory counterparts. As friends they will be very comfortable to be around, though they may not speak a lot and are comfortable with spending time together quietly.
They may also want to BE CLOSE, they enjoy the time you spend together from cooking to going on dates, or simply being close while you are at home. At work they will want to speak to you face-to-face, a phone call or email just doesn’t cut it! As a friend they will want to spend plenty of time together, and love to visit you or be visited.
That’s how I see you. As a fulfilled and deeply loved soul. Your knowledge that you are filled with love radiates from you, and allows others to shine their own light too.
Love Tara xxx
*BTW – this is what Gary Chapman refers to as The 5 Love Languages. I have combined the two visual strategies (Acts of Service & Receiving Gifts) and the two kinaesthetic strategies (Physical Touch & Quality Time) to better understand the sensory triggers for the feeling.