What happens in relationships, most of the time, is that over time people grow apart. That’s because they cruise along, dealing with things as they arise, and they never lift their eyes from the path to get curious about what else is possible.
When a couple fails to dream together, they close ALL OF THE DOORS TO POSSIBILITY. They are left with only the options that they stumble over, but don’t have the support systems in place to seize the opportunity. Or, they seize the opportunity and realise many years later that it was never aligned with the dreams they had for their lives. And they fail to give the attention to their dreams that they deserve.
I’ve done ALOT of work on this over the last five years, both with my clients, but especially in my own relationship. In the early days, I was far too intense about it… we would have planning marathons that sucked all of the joy from the process, and left us feeling frustrated and overwhelmed. The actions list was WAY too long, and though we problem solved at an abstract level, we didn’t do as well in integrating those solutions into our life.
I have been on parallel journeys in my health, my relationships, and my business, and my lived experience tells me that small touch points, visited often, is the way to create big change. While I am a huge fan of transformational retreats and intensives, I have concerns about the shock waves in a family environment of that rapid change. I believe that environment is ideal to get unstuck, for the scales to fall from your eyes and to discover a new way of living. HOWEVER, how often do those big changes stick? I mean REALLY STICK. How many people continue on that journey of growth?
I’ll tell you this; those who do, are the ones who implement incrementally. Who focus on small slices, and calibrate, and iterate. They are the ones who have weekly logistics meetings with their partners, who take time out for reflection, creation, and dreaming, they’re the ones who understand the value of the hundreds of small moments daily for the strength and depth of a relationship.
It’s unfamiliar territory for many of the people that I work with. We dream & plan in our careers (maybe), in our wellness (sometimes), in our finances (head in the sand?), and in our relationships, rarely. Or never. So the thinking that is part of this process feels weird. There may be questions you have never asked yourself, or your partner. There is a way of looking at the world that is layered and complex, and at the same time provides you with the ultimate freedom to BE AND DO, the things in the world that really matter to you.
So, the choice is this; Plan a life together, consciously and with purpose, or cross your fingers and HOPE that you don’t grow apart. It’s a pretty big gamble IMHO. It’s a skill, for sure, and the great thing about skills is you can LEARN them, and GET BETTER at them. The only question left is; Does it matter enough for you to act?