Okay, time for me to get a bit ranty again, there’s something that couples do that makes me MAD (you know, along with the other billion things I rant about!) They say “I love them so much, I’d do anything for them.”
And then the truth of the matter is that’s a load of hot cock. There. I said it.
What most people mean, is that they would sacrifice themselves in some kind of super hero way; taking a bullet, wrestling a bear, giving up their dream of becoming a movie star… but when it comes to the practicalities of the declaration, they are 100% unwilling to do anything.
However, what they really mean is “I will do anything for them that I find effortless & easy, and also I want to do, and also is convenient, or at most is a one-off that will prove my love forever without me doing anything else”.
It’s a bit shit really.
What I know to be true, is that it is the cumulative effect of small actions done consistently over time that creates an incredible relationship. It sounds trite, but it’s true.
Consider the little things that we kinda sorta know we should be doing, but we don’t always feel like it so we don’t. For example:
- Kissing goodbye and hello – a proper kiss
- Speaking our partners love language
- Going out for date night
- Taking time out to refill our own cup
- Smiling at our beloved when we wake in the morning (instead of swearing at the alarm clock!)
- Going away together for a dirty weekend
- Finding a resourceful way to manage stress instead of taking it out on our partners
- Sharing our hopes & dreams
- Making passionate love on the regular
- Breakfast in bed & cups of tea
- Thoughtful gifts
What I see to be true is that we are so hooked into our own ego, that we think all of the other crap that’s on our plate is more important. That we have all the time in the world. And that a large spectacular gesture makes up for the lack of daily care.
But I’ve got bad news. And it is genuinely bad: most of the couples that I see, call me because they are about to separate or get divorced. They just left it too long to try. That’s all. It is rarely about money, kids, work, or whatever you tell yourself is the problem, it’s the lack of care in the details of love.
By the time we start working together, there’s many years of resentment & sadness accumulated. We still work through those things, but I can tell you now, the earlier the easier!
So please! Take Action! Pick ONE thing that you know would fill your partner’s eyes with light, and commit to doing it every day. Forever. No excuses, no bullshit, just love.
I would do anything for love… and I WILL do that.