How do I Manage Sexual Attraction Outside my Relationship?

Sexually attracted to someone else

There are very few things that are as exciting as the spark of sexual attraction between two people. That chemistry; the sparkle in your eye, the rush of heat, the feeling of being drawn towards another, and seeing that they are drawn to you. But if you are already in a relationship, and find yourself sexually attracted to someone else, what do you do?

What I often see people do is buy into the paradox that I call: Block or Fuck.

What that means is that we believe this energy of sexuality is either dangerous (and must be stamped out) or it is destiny (and must be pursued).

That raw magnetism and chemistry is a heady rush. You feel vital, attractive, and like you have truly been SEEN. Like someone has recognised your value! You matter! The feeling is empowering. The response can be devastating.

Why “Block It”?

In a relationship that has rigid rules about what constitutes “faithfulness”, this chemistry can be seen to have a life of its own. It lures the unwilling to cheat, or lie, or otherwise betray their partner. “If I play in this sexual energy, then I am cheating”. This kind of belief will lead to a BLOCK approach, where any kind of response must be desexualised.

Why “Fuck It”?

The other side of this belief is that if one doesn’t BLOCK sexual energy, then the only other option is to FUCK it.

That is, this chemistry is so strong that;

  • I am too weak to fight it (or don’t want to)
  • Or, it must mean that it is meant to be. Destiny.

None of the above is true.

Your sexual energy is powerful magic and must be handled respectfully and with care.

This is the energy of CREATION and brings vitality and nourishment to our lives! A resilient & resourceful individual knows how to channel that energy with others. They understand that those micro lighting moments of chemistry keep us filled with the juice of life. A person who can CHANNEL their sexual spark, and CHOOSE when to play or when to unplug becomes a true CREATOR.

When we become dependable & reliable in our relationships, and have strong enough boundaries and self-esteem to play with that sexual energy, then we can have incredibly rewarding creative relationships with many different men and women in our lives. Finding that you are sexually attracted to someone else other than your partner does not lead you into making precipitous decisions that you may later regret.

A relationship that relies on suppressing that spark will be one that ultimately puts out its own fire in the process. A relationship that constantly fans the fire without volition will end in tears.

I’m curious, what do you do when it comes to block or fuck?

How do you know when it is creativity or charisma?

How do you decide when it is going to bring energy to you, or when it is destructive?