This month's daily practice is a no brainer. Do nice things for your partner, and they will feel more loved. Because long term love, depth, passion, and intimacy are built on a strong foundation of small, mundane, daily acts of love.
Here is my invitation for you to practice this simple act of love for < 5 minutes a day over the next month. If you are new to this series you can check out other The Little Things practices here.
[Full Transcript Below]
Hi, I’m Tara from the Sugar Doctor and welcome to this monthly series on The Fundamentals of Love.
This series is built on the principles that it’s the cumulative effect of many small acts of love over time that leads to a deep and embodied intimacy in our relationship.
[Excuse me! There are grumbles from my youngest dog over there she’s a talker and she likes to get involved.]
So, this is a series of practices, each month that would take five minutes or less, and what it’s really about, is shifting your behavior and shifting your awareness so that you notice even more opportunities to connect with your partner and to create that love and intimacy in your relationship.
What Are Acts of Love?
This month’s invitation to you is to explore a daily ritual of love, daily acts of love.
Many of you would be familiar already with the five love languages, incredible piece of work done by Mr. Gary Chapman, Dr. Gary Chapman, professor, I’m not really sure…
Gary Chapman you can find that online very easily if you Google five love languages if you’re not yet familiar with that. He also have a few blogs, on the website about acts of love, so you can have a look at those, but ultimately what I’d really like you to do, is do something each day that you know causes your partner to feel loved.
Something very, very simple;
- it might be as simple as an Act of Service which is a visual love language so, perhaps you’ll bring your partner a cup of tea in the morning,
- perhaps it is a particular look that they like, the way you look at them, which would also be a visual thing, so maybe you look at them in a particular day, every day.
- maybe there is a particular way that they like you to kiss them, when they leave or arrive or when they wake.
- Or I wonder if you could each day write a loving note or even a text and send that to your partner expressing to them, how you feel about them.
How Much Time Do I Need for Acts of Love?
They don’t need to be large and in fact what I’d like you to do is choose the smallest possible thing that you can think of, because as I said it’s the cumulative effect over time, that makes this such an important thing to do.
And if you can’t commit to daily acts of love, then, you’re either not managing your time very well, not managing your relationship very well, or looking for some- like, shooting too big, you know?
So it’s something very simple and small, maybe it’s even saying a particular phrase every day that you know feel someone loved.
What if I Don't Know My Partner's Love Language?
Now if you don’t know what it is that makes your partner feel loved and perhaps you’re doing something and they’re not as appreciative as you thought them they might be, maybe you’ve chosen acts of love that doesn’t match for them, that’s not- you know, that isn’t speaking their personal love language.
So maybe that would be valuable to have a conversation with your partner and say, “hey”, you know, “what is it that I could do for you every day, forever, that would help you to feel as though you were loved?”[Read More: 3 Powerful Ways to Give & Recieve Love]
You know, it could be something simple as, I don’t know, feeding the dogs, maybe they hate feeding the dogs, maybe your partner never ever wants again to feed a dog, maybe your partner never ever wants again to pack a school lunch, maybe they never ever want again, to do a particular chore that would take you less than five minutes, yes, and you can do acts of love, you say, okay, come and take this on, this is how I’m going to show you every day, and again.
But My Partner Doesn't Appreciate Me...
This is not about trophy winning, you know, doing this for the appreciation, because that changes the dynamic.
What you’re now doing if you’re looking for appreciation is horse trading, right? “I’m gonna sell you this blanket and you’re gonna sell me five bushels of corn”, (I don’t even know if you get corn in bushels, right?) but it becomes a barter, and now, you are in a transactional relationship, and it’s not a gift, at all
So, with that in mind, choose your one thing. It’s my invitation to you, each day, less than five minutes, the smaller the better, because then you can do it infinitely and feel energized by that.
Practice Tips & Reflections
You know, the thing about a practice is that... well... it is a PRACTICE. That means that you may not be great at it to start. And that you may not even enjoy it initially.
My invitation to you for this coming month is to explore:
- How does it feel to do this acts of love practice?
- What specifically do I feel? Am I bored? Annoyed? Grateful? Joyful? Angry? Happy?
- Where specifically do I feel that in my body?
- What comes up for me when I do this practice?
- How is my relationship changing as a result of this practice?
I love hearing your messages & feedback as you are implementing - let me know how you go!