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SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO?

The decision to stay or go is complex & nuanced.

It’s not as simple as writing a lists of pros and cons, in fact, there is no 'right' answer. Any decision you make will be challenging and rewarding in different ways, so it's important to explore all the possibilities before you make a decision that you can’t unmake.

This guide frames some considerations, and shares the commonalities for individuals & couples who are also trying to decide: “Should I Stay or Should I Go?”

alternative couples therapy image for mobiles

ALTERNATIVE COUPLES THERAPY FOR NEWCASTLE, LAKE MACQUARIE, & THE HUNTER

Couples therapy facilitates personal and relational healing through intimate relationships...

Couples therapy facilitates personal and relational healing through intimate relationships...

I dream of a world with relational safety nets so strong that no one slips through the gaps-

Discovering how you relate, developing relational skills, and facilitating healing between you & your partner, creates opportunities for you to expand those learnings into other relationships in your life.

My approach to couples therapy explores;

  • opportunities to engage with skills building, not person-fixing
  • more ease in how to deal with household labour
  • experiments to free up more time for passsion projects, rest, & play
  • practical frameworks for managing conflict, and getting past old shit, and
  • erotic considerations to create chemistry & enhance sexual pleasure.

I dream of a world with relational safety nets so strong that no one slips through the gaps-

Discovering how you relate, developing relational skills, and facilitating healing between you & your partner, creates opportunities for you to expand those learnings into other relationships in your life.

My approach to couples therapy explores;

*opportunities to engage with skills building, not person-fixing

*more ease in how to deal with household labour

*experiments to free up more time for passsion projects, rest, & play

*practical frameworks for managing conflict, and getting past old shit, and

*erotic considerations to create chemistry & enhance sexual pleasure.

Relationship challenges don't belong TO either of you, they exist BETWEEN you.

Relationship challenges don't belong TO either of you, they exist BETWEEN you.

Relationship challenges are found in the dynamics BETWEEN people. They are the result of your differences in culture, family, lived experience, intersections in identities, and other contextual elements that have influenced each of your personalities and approaches to life.

We can do endless couples therapy about the CONTENT of your relationship (personal histories, challenges, strengths, dreams) but without acknowledging the CONTEXT of your lives we're being dangerously reductive. Suggesting that relationship strategy will change your circumstances is bullshit.

AND those challenges don't define your relational compatibility! In fact, a longitudinal study has shown that there's no difference in objective compatibility between couples who are happy or unhappy;

Compatibility is NOT the thing.

The most important factor is  your understanding of those differences and contextual influences, and the way you CHOOSE to navigate them together. Unless you understand the deeper roots of those dynamics,  you will continue to cycle through highs and lows...  always returning to the same old unresolved shit.

Relationship challenges are found in the dynamics BETWEEN people. They are the result of your differences in culture, family, lived experience, intersections in identities, and other contextual elements that have influenced each of your personalities and approaches to life.

We can do endless couples therapy about the CONTENT of your relationship (personal histories, challenges, strengths, dreams) but without acknowledging the CONTEXT of your lives we're being dangerously reductive. Suggesting that relationship strategy will change your circumstances is bullshit.

AND those challenges don't define your relational compatibility! In fact, a longitudinal study has shown that there's no difference in objective compatibility between couples who are happy or unhappy;

Compatibility is NOT the thing.

The most important factor is  your understanding of those differences and contextual influences, and the way you CHOOSE to navigate them together. Unless you understand the deeper roots of those dynamics,  you will continue to cycle through highs and lows...  always returning to the same old unresolved shit.

Are you ready to EXPLORE and EXPERIMENT so you can generate your own solutions?

Are you ready to EXPLORE and EXPERIMENT so you can generate your own solutions?

Whenever two people come together there will be contrasts.

The deepest work in couples therapy for each partner is discerning  “Where can I bring grace & generosity to accepting this contrast will persist? Where am I ready to engage & generate solutions? And where is this, in fact, intolerable?" 

My orientation to couples therapy is that our work is experimental and iterative. We'll collaborate to unpack what's happening, how that's not working for you, and design experimental solutions. The process is explorative, not prescriptive.

You'll discover your unique relational dynamics and the insights & answers will come from you, and be for you. That means that the solutions you find will be distinctive to you & your partner.

Whenever two people come together there will be contrasts.

The deepest work in couples therapy for each partner is discerning  “Where can I bring grace & generosity to accepting this contrast will persist? Where am I ready to engage & generate solutions? And where is this, in fact, intolerable?" 

My orientation to couples therapy is that our work is experimental and iterative. We'll collaborate to unpack what's happening, how that's not working for you, and design experimental solutions. The process is explorative, not prescriptive.

You'll discover your unique relational dynamics and the insights & answers will come from you, and be for you. That means that the solutions you find will be distinctive to you & your partner.

How do we GET STARTED?

How do we GET STARTED?

When you decide to do couples therapy, it is crucial that you like your therapist and feel like they "get" you.

It’s also really important that BOTH partners choose the couples therapist you will be working with. That way we're all on the same page.

That's why the first step is for us to have a phone conversation. I do this with you first, and then if you want to proceed with couples therapy I will also speak with your partner.

It gives us all an opportunity to see if we are a good fit, and allows you to ask any questions you may have. That usually takes about 20-30 minutes (depending on your questions!). -

So:

  1. Book a Meet & Greet for YOU
  2. We'll talk about what's happening & how I roll.
  3. Your partner books a Meet & Greet
  4. We all decide if we're a good fit.
  5. If yes, we get started. If not, I'll help you find the right couples therapist!

👇 You can book that directly into my calendar here 👇.

When you decide to do couples therapy, it is crucial that you like your therapist and feel like they "get" you.

It’s also really important that BOTH partners choose the couples therapist you will be working with. That way we're all on the same page.

That's why the first step is for us to have a phone conversation. I do this with you first, and then if you want to proceed with couples therapy I will also speak with your partner.

It gives us all an opportunity to see if we are a good fit, and allows you to ask any questions you may have. That usually takes about 20-30 minutes (depending on your questions!). -

So:

1. Book a Meet & Greet for YOU

2. We'll talk about what's happening & how I roll.

3. Your partner books a Meet & Greet

4. We all decide if we're a good fit.

5. If yes, we get started. If not, I'll help you find the right couples therapist!

 

👇 You can book that directly into my calendar here 👇.

Get your free copy of Should I Stay or Should I Go

should i stay or should i go

The decision to stay or go is complex & nuanced.

It’s not as simple as writing a lists of pros and cons, in fact, there is no 'right' answer. Any decision you make will be challenging and rewarding in different ways, so it's important to explore all the possibilities before you make a decision that you can’t unmake.

This guide frames some considerations, and shares the commonalities for individuals & couples who are also trying to decide: “Should I Stay or Should I Go?”